monstermetal Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I would guess that a lot of the guys who have been active on this site in the last year probably dont even know who I am, I have been on here so infrequently that I am just out of the groups loop... Anyway I was poking around today and thought I would give those of you who do know me an update... Its been 11 months since I lost my son Andrew and my life went sideways. Emotionally I have come a long way but mentally I still have a lot of healing to do. I have slacked off at my shop to the point where I have to do something and have decided to get out of the bit sharpening and most likely downsize to a smaller building, quite possibly my home shop (which means no big hammer or three phase power) The bit thing was not a bad gig but its not enough to live on with the overhead of the big shop and it took up enough of my time that I really couldn’t focus on the things I actually enjoy. It’s a big leap to walk away from a steady cash flow in this economy but ultimately I think my mental health is more important than my financial health. Besides that if I do make the move to my home shop it means cutting overhead by about $3500 a month, it also means I wont be able to do much of the big work that I have done in the past… Fortunately if I do decide to make the major downsize I have a place I can put my larger equipment that I really don’t want to part with, The 4B, big hydraulic press and some of my bigger fab equipment can go to live with my dad until I figure out what life holds. If I sell the equipment that I am using for the bit operation I might choose to stay in the big shop another year to see how it goes (a 25 grand cash infusion will go quite a long way to making that a simpler endeavor) Really I am not tied to anything right now other than I know the industrial bit gig is sucking the enthusiasm out of me and I finder it harder and harder to justify doing it.. I probably should have walked away from it when Andrew died but at this point wudda shudda coulda is meaningless… Ive neglected a lot of my cliental in the last year just because my heart hasn’t been in the shop and I find it very hard to start and stop projects to work them in around the bits so I hope walking away from the bit deal is the right thing… I know it is long term but short term it could be quite painful the flip side is I am ready to deal with it because I am mentally done with it.. I am probably going to sell some stuff regardless of what I do.. I’ll post some stuff later today most likely here… Most of it is not mission critical stuff for me but rather stuff that I have been saving or just not using enough. Anyway I know that’s not a lot of information but it is what it is… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teenylittlemetalguy Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I couldn't read that without posting back my condolences. I don't know how bad that must hurt, but I do feel for you. as for work, i know when your heart isn't in it it is best to change course.someone with your skills can find other worthwhile things to do. and if you were industriuos enough to run a business you will find another niche. My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r smith Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I am glad to hear your doing better, good luck moving forward with any new plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tzonoqua Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Monster, nice to hear you are still out there, we've missed you! I don't know how anyone can get over the loss of a child, it's just not how it's supposed to happen is it? Sounds though, you are moving along with your life and making changes so that you can be happier in it. Good luck with everything! Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CurlyGeorge Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Larry, it's good to see you back on here. I hope that you will continue to visit. I wish you all the best with your shop changes. as was said earlier, if your heart isn't in the work, you won't be happy. Good luck and welcome back. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Sells Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Welcome back Larry we missed you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas Dean Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Welcome back! as others have said, my heart goes out to you and it's good to hear that you are making some chages that will hlep YOU. Although it's nice, $$ ain't everything. Prayers for your continual healing and your new venture. keep us up to date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 monster - its painful to think about your loss, let alone experience it... i think your doing exactly the right thing, scaling down to what interests you, turnover certainly is not everything, and its better that you feel motivated and in good mental shape than carry on in a way that is draining you when you need your energy to build yourself up.. much love to you from all the way over in this rainy little island, i wish you lots of good and unexpected things... a close friend of mine lost her eldest boy not so long ago, and she is still here, still living, and occasionally she smiles and laughs now. all the best monster :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dillon Sculpture Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Your presence has been missed Monster, hope the move will ease your pain. You are more than welcome to visit my hammers if you get the urge to beat on something. My thoughts are with you man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John B Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Hi Larry, welcome back, Reality check is its time to move on, remember the good times as well as a few of the bad ones, Time to make a new life with what youv'e got, and one you choose to do, not driven by the necessity to make money, but to make you happier tahn what you currently are or have been. Whatever happens you have your skills to fall back on, and to go forward with, so go forward and do what is going to make you happy, There will always be Andrew there looking on and with you, and I am sure he would want you all to be happy, and this is the start of that new journey Good luck and God Bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob S Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 seems like the bit job would be a good fit for a two man shop.... steady cash coming in but still able to get away from it when you need to. however it works out all the best to you Larry. come back and hang out whenever you're in the mood. Bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mainely,Bob Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Really glad to hear from you Larry. If there is anything I personally can do please don`t hesitate to let me know. You have my email address. Sometimes downsizing is the best thing, not the least painful but the best. I know how I felt after they had to start cutting on me and I knew I wouldn`t be able to keep up with all the things I used to do or use the gear I was used to toss around. As others have said, it`s not the tools so much as the skills that keep us moving forward and you`ve always impressed me as being a progressive kind of guy. We sure did miss you though and worried about you as well. Be and live well, brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marksnagel Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Glad to see you're back. I will keep a prayer line open for you. Things will work out, don't fret. I haven't been on here as much as in the past due to family health reasons but it always feels good to get back on and be amongst friends. Good hearing from you again. Mark <>< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macbruce Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 I reckon it's been a very long year for you Larry, hopefully the next will get a bit better. On a practical level cranking out breaker bits looks good on your deposit slips I spose but it has to be a big drain on your creative drive. Do what your heart tells you to do and don't look back......b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ten Hammers Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Moving forward is good. Nice to see you again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin K Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Larry, I really feel for you- would like to to add my sincere well wishes for you and your family. Kevin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JNewman Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Good to see you posting Larry. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Hopefully it will get better. While the bit gig is generating a fairly good cashflow I get the feeling it is not making you a great return on your time considering the money you have invested, the expenses involved and the wear and tear on your machinery and body. Personally I don't mind making a little less on interesting jobs, but on long runs/boring jobs I want to see a high return. Ideally by being very efficient, but it sounds like you were set up very efficiently. 20-30 hours a week is most of the productive hours in a 40-50hour workweek. I hope you are able to find the right balance of work and life outside the shop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ptree Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Larry, I must say I understand. I hate that we both share this burden, and understand the lost feelings in the shop. I finally tried a big piece again, and I think not ever again. The last one I had done, my Greg helped move and install, and the thoughts and feelings in my head kept me awake for days before I installed with the help of my other son. As it approachs a year for us, we have to hang tight and take care of those that remain, as the annerversary will be very hard for you and them. Having family to take care of has been what has kept/forced me to continue. This is a burden no Father should ever face, but you are not alone. My wife and oldest daughter found a grief share group at a local church, and I think it has helped them some. E-mail me if you want and we can discuss. While I have spent quite a bit of time in the shop, much has been sitting in a chair and thinking. Forging has been a sometimes release, helps to tire enough to sleep. My friends in the blacksmithing world have also been a great help with care and concern. Don't withdraw, try and engage. Easily said difficult to do. early on, My closest friends from the local group basically kidnapped me to go to an auction, I had no choice in the matter, but the engagement helped beyond words. Prayers sent. Jeff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petere76 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Larry, Good to hear from you again. Your tragic loss and your honesty in sharing your feelings profoundly touched many of us here. Come back on line any way you choose to, but come back, and recover in your own way and on your own terms. I look forward to hearing from you. If I can in any way be of assistance please advise, POC, Carrabassett Valley Forge 207.235.2762. All the best, Peter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermetal Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Larry, I must say I understand. I hate that we both share this burden, and understand the lost feelings in the shop. I finally tried a big piece again, and I think not ever again. The last one I had done, my Greg helped move and install, and the thoughts and feelings in my head kept me awake for days before I installed with the help of my other son. As it approachs a year for us, we have to hang tight and take care of those that remain, as the annerversary will be very hard for you and them. Having family to take care of has been what has kept/forced me to continue. This is a burden no Father should ever face, but you are not alone. My wife and oldest daughter found a grief share group at a local church, and I think it has helped them some. E-mail me if you want and we can discuss. While I have spent quite a bit of time in the shop, much has been sitting in a chair and thinking. Forging has been a sometimes release, helps to tire enough to sleep. My friends in the blacksmithing world have also been a great help with care and concern. Don't withdraw, try and engage. Easily said difficult to do. early on, My closest friends from the local group basically kidnapped me to go to an auction, I had no choice in the matter, but the engagement helped beyond words. Prayers sent. Jeff Thanks Jeff.... I have thought a lot about you in the months that have past... Mostly just because I remember so well that morning prior to finding Andrew hearing of your loss and thinking how tragic and unthinkable... And thank you everyone else too.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigfootnampa Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Larry; I remember and I'm glad to see you beginning to recover a little! I knew that would be a tough gig for you... I think you are probably right to retrench and live a bit simpler. Great that your Dad can still help you out! Great idea to take things down a few revs and take some time to smell the roses (or maybe a campfire)! If you ever find yourself headed toward my neck of the woods (Saint Louis area) let me know and we'll do some things together! I am a skilled fly fisherman and I have a few horses around most of the time. I can cook with the best most anywhere I have ever eaten. There's usually an extra bed or two here in my 1850's era log cabin cum farm house. I have family back in Idaho too... my Mom and Dad were both born in Richfield, Idaho. Well I'm sure you have plenty to do but keep it in mind that you'll be welcomed here if you ever get the chance to come! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob S Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 take some time to smell the roses (or maybe a campfire)! ...when you're feeling blue and lost all your dreams there's nothing like a campfire and a can 'o beans Tom Waits [media=] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermetal Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Larry; I remember and I'm glad to see you beginning to recover a little! I knew that would be a tough gig for you... I think you are probably right to retrench and live a bit simpler. Great that your Dad can still help you out! Great idea to take things down a few revs and take some time to smell the roses (or maybe a campfire)! If you ever find yourself headed toward my neck of the woods (Saint Louis area) let me know and we'll do some things together! I am a skilled fly fisherman and I have a few horses around most of the time. I can cook with the best most anywhere I have ever eaten. There's usually an extra bed or two here in my 1850's era log cabin cum farm house. I have family back in Idaho too... my Mom and Dad were both born in Richfield, Idaho. Well I'm sure you have plenty to do but keep it in mind that you'll be welcomed here if you ever get the chance to come! Aww, Richfield A town between nothing and noplace.... My great grandparents had a little shack on Magic and I fished there as a kid... If you drew a line east from Shoshone and south from Richfield where they intersect you would find my Moms house... I would love to live back in that country... A little farther west, Fairfield sounds about right.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermetal Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Bob Waits always sounds like its his worst moment of the worst day in every song... You cant help but feel better just being glad your not him.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGGUNDOCTOR Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I was wondering the other day what had happened to you, glad to see ya back. As to the bit job, sometimes losing, or dumping a job is the best thing that could happen. I know that there were jobs we took on that in the end cost us more than they made for us. This may be a blessing in disquise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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