Daswulf Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 Thanks guys. My anxiety has been pretty skyrocketed all day. When I got home she has been being a bit more pleasant. Lol, let me tell you how my guard is up but I'm staying well. On one hand she is coming to terms with it all after the anger phase. On the other it is a trojan horse. We shal see. My calm and patience is holding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irondragon Forge ClayWorks Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 My Chief gave us this simple three line mantra, to use in stressful situations. It works for me. Be Calm Stay Safe Think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 There has been a Lot of thinking. The funny part is the anxiety of not knowing what mood I am coming home to has been happening for a long time. Sometimes like the white rabbit when I had to stop to get things on the way home from work. I feel like I have ptsd from her. (Not to down play, and with all due respect to ptsd from people who have really experienced bad stuff.) I truly hope, and still have faith that we can be friends again after this. I do not want to see our kids like my brothers how they would escape to the other parents house when they were disciplined.I will be talking with Liz about that. I've also watched a lot of videos about mediation and have more studying to do on people who have been through this. I've confided in some friends at work as well. Thank God for good friends like you and them that are listening and giving experiences and advise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anachronist58 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 Aric, with respect to PTSD, when ones skirts the extent of one's limitations, certain things happen to the brain. Once you are subject to that kind of pressure, it is good to acknowledge your trauma as real, and to avail yourself to help, counsel, and remediation. Your stressors are real, and anything we can do to help get you through, is well deserved, I am sure. Goes for your SO, as well. Robert and Sheila Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
George N. M. Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 To add to what I've said before, you are on a mission to get the best situation for the girls. You would die trying to get them out of a burning house or take a bullet for them. This is similar and it won't kill you. If you are willing to lay down your life for your girls remember that going through emotional trauma is worth it for them. I don't want to minimize what you are feeling but remember what your goal is: Giving the girls the best situation to grow up in for the next 15 or 20 years. I'm glad that I and all your other IFI friends are here to help you through this. Be couragous for them. George Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 I can admit my limitations and faults. I've asked to just be talked to with any needs or wants. The statement that runs through my head is " I shouldn't have to ask." Because that is what I get when I've just asked her to talk to me. Yet there I am. Awaiting a chance to help every night. If I proactively try to help, it was wrong in some way. If I wait for instruction "I didnt help" Ugh. Anyway, at the moment, we are talking civil or even friendly. I dont mean this in a bad way but good luck finding a minion that can read minds. Either way we are being more civil than we have in years and she as well as I are finding some relief in this so far. We are going to take it slow for her but mainly in my opinion for the girls. Even had/have the stress of coming home from work wondering if she is in an ok mood or on a war path. Probably all normal lol but it really messes me up. There is a lot more to it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 Of course there's a lot more to it Aric. PTSD just is. It's not some kind of contest with minimum stress rules to be real. Deb suffers PTSD from my TBI accident, we both do actually. Please tell us what you need to, I'm honored to be here to listen and maybe bring a smile now and then. Frosty The Lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCC Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 What Frosty said (without the TBI bit, of course). Trauma is trauma; PTSD isn't necessarily a response to physical trauma as such, but to the emotions associated with traumatic experiences. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction, and you've got a whole cohort of supporters walking with you. You will get through this. As Winston Churchill said, "When you're going through hell, keep going." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted July 8, 2022 Author Share Posted July 8, 2022 Truely appreciate the support. It really helps. No real news to report. The shower and smoother things go the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCC Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 [thumbs up] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irondragon Forge ClayWorks Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 On 7/7/2022 at 8:15 AM, JHCC said: As Winston Churchill said, "When you're going through hell, keep going." He also said "If you stop to throw stones at every barking dog, you will never reach your destination." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Do you think anybody ever told him why dogs were barking at him? Frosty The Lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWISTEDWILLOW Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Because he smoked cigars an wore a cool hat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I'll pass on cigars by a WIDE margin but I wouldn't mind having a Homburg, it'd be a nice break from my Derby. Maybe he carried tasty snacks like blue cheese kisses, in his pockets and wouldn't share with the dogs? Frosty The Lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWISTEDWILLOW Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 He might’ve been better off carrying a dog whistle in his pocket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irondragon Forge ClayWorks Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I believe he was referring to members of Parliament, who were always being critical of his decisions during the war. But y'all knew that didn't ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThomasPowers Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Strange to think that Sir Winston Churchill was considered rather a failure prior to WWII and went on to become one of the best known and famous Englishmen in the World. Starting at age 65! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
George N. M. Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 A similar sentiment is expressed in the quote, "The dogs bark, but the caravan travels on." "By hammer and hand all arts do stand." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey98118 Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 Before you take the plunge, have you two thought of going in the opposite direction? If you get married would that de-tox her problems? I mean, what really have you got to lose? What you're doing is pretty much like going through a divorce already. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 I doubt that would help or fix things. That topic hasn't even been in any conversation or arguement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey98118 Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 Well, it was a thought. Sometimes we miss the obvious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThomasPowers Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 And many of us have had at least one relationship where we are now very glad we didn't get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted July 11, 2022 Author Share Posted July 11, 2022 This is one. No worries Mikey, sometimes we do miss the obvious and it is always worth atleast mentioning. Mighta worked on keeping my last GF, but we didnt have something so important together and again, no regrets with the kids I have now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
George N. M. Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 Yeah, kids really change the equation. Once you have a child you have a moral and legal commitment for 18 years. Martha and I hadn't planned on starting a family but we were a little casual about not starting a family. 31 years later I am really glad it happened. And, yes, like almost everyone else, I had relationships that would have been a disaster if we had gotten married. I am very lucky that I have hit the relationship home run twice in my life. So many folk never make it to first base. Lots of strike outs and pop flys. Das, if you can provide the best environment for your girls and help them to grow up to be good and happy women you are a success. GNM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted July 11, 2022 Author Share Posted July 11, 2022 George, I am doing my best. In the face of all possibilities of being bitter and slamming home my argument and grievances, I am taking it all in stride and keeping on a calm path for the girls. Coming up I will be with the kids for four days totally on my own. Then she will be taking them to ny (already planned for her cousins wedding) for a month. Then this all gets more serious with planning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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