CrazyGoatLady Posted February 13, 2020 Author Share Posted February 13, 2020 I will. She'd have a big smile and hug for all of y'all also. She loves hugs and kisses Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HammerHeart Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Prayers out for you and your family. Mothers are very precious indeed, mine had a brain tumor removed 2 years ago, it was causing multiple seizures a day. It was a rough time. She's doing great now and her hair is fully grown back out to the way she likes it. The point is prayers really help and count for something, she is a very old school pentecostal woman so prayers and faith were really important. Love to you all : ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 HammerHeart, that's wonderful that your mom is doing so well. She sounds like my mom the way you described her. Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnut Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 If she's cognitive, don't forget about her input. I know you wouldn't but you'd be surprised how many people don't take into consideration what the parent actually wants because they get used to making decisions for an elderly parent and sometimes forget that their parent still should have a say if they're capable. I'm sending positivity your way. Take care. Pnut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 Thank you pnut. We try to ask her what she wants and respect her wishes. Sometimes she'll ask what we think. She used to have a memory like an elephant, but it seems sometimes she's not aware of things very much. Since she had the stroke, her power of speech isn't very good. That's how I knew something was wrong. She was talking fine, then all of a sudden she sounded like she had a mouthful of cotton or rocks in her mouth. She's the sweetest soul I know and hardly complains about anything unless she's hurting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnut Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 My Mom was the same. I lived with her for about the last five years of her life because she was still working everyday but her health had deteriorated to a point where she and my siblings felt better having me there. I seen her through cancer treatment twice and a bypass surgery. She was too stubborn to go to the hospital when she needed to so I would have to argue with her and threaten to call the ambulance and let her explain to them that she didn't want medical help. It happened twice due to blood thinners and intestinal bleeding and finally she had the flu and went to the doctor and was getting better until the anti viral meds ran out and she relapsed. By the time I could get her to go to the hospital two days later she had bi-lobal pneumonia and was septic. She walked into the hospital and passed away in less than 18 hours. I felt guilty because I couldn't make her go to the hospital sooner. It's amazing she beat cancer twice and has a quadruple bypass only to be beat by a cold. I knew you would take your mother's wishes into consideration it's just that sometimes it's easy to overlook what a parent actually wants especially if they are only semi lucid or having memory issues. I really do hope your family grows closer if and when you lose a member of your circle. I hope it draws you closer. My thoughts are with you and I'm sending positivity your way. Stay strong and know there's plenty of people who care even if we're only words on a screen know there's people behind them. Pnut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 pnut, I understand what you're saying about feeling guilty. But you shouldn't because you took the best care of her you could and loved her and she knew that. That's what mattered most to her. I'm saying this not only as a daughter, but as a mother also. You're a good son. Doctor just came in. Biopsy is not back yet. He said it looks like cancer to him, but what kind is the question. He said it could be a mass that could be gone in a couple of weeks with antibiotics. So that's hopeful. She will be in ICU until at least Monday morning. But she feels ok today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnut Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Thank you for the kind words. I know it wasn't my fault but there's always going to be that little voice in the back of my mind that rears its ugly head on occasion. Hope it's good news. Some masses turn out to be a cystic masses that are not a big deal. I'm putting my will into it being something minor. Fingers crossed. Pnut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 I understand what you mean. And thank you. I am thankful for all of the support from you guys. It's helped me keep my thinking straight and not to freak out too much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Cancer treatment is progressing at an astonishing rate. Formerly inaccessible tumors are now being successfully treated and eliminated with such things as targeted medications and the Cybernife. My Mother passed largely from stubborn refusal to get treatment for stomach pain, it turned out to be an infected gall bladder and by time my little Sister could get her in it was too late to treat. Mother died from complications arising from having her gall bladder removed. She didn't leave a DNR statement nor no life support wishes so it was up to my sister and I to make the decision. I flew down, said good buy to the writhing person tied to the bed and we had her taken off. One thing Mother was adamant about was not being kept on life support. We knew what she meant, she was REALLY afraid of being an artificially supported living corpse so she didn't want any. Sis didn't respect that as long as there was a prognosis of recovery but there was none. Dad was bad enough, he held on to make sure I was okay and say good bye, he let go and passed after he was sure I was on my way home. That was painful but Shannon and I had Mother's life support turned off. Talk about hold each other and cry. Maybe the worst was how angry we were at her for first not going to the doctor while it would've done some good and . . . She just wanted to be with Dad. I was mad because taking care of Dad and then Mother fell to Shannon, I could visit and call but I couldn't drop what I was doing or I would've lost everything which Mother and Dad forbade. Sometimes it's worse than just losing them. You can only do what you can for them, it doesn't do them or you any good to feel bad for not doing more. That I know. Love and hugs all of you. Frosty The Lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 My Dad had lung cancer. They removed it and and he went through chemo. Got rid of the cancer, but he then got congestive heart failure as a consequence. That eventually took him. He was on life support in the end and he had fought for a long time before that. He managed to scribble a note that he was tired, but wanted to stay. But finally gave up and was ready to go. My mom couldn't make the decision and I was his only child. So it fell to me. I don't want to have to do that again. So I relate Frosty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Other's have had it so much harder than I, I feel like a whiny baby sometimes. At least I got to talk to Dad before he passed and I have a great memory. The last thing he said to me was, "Here's what you should do Butch. Load up all the fencing and head for Oregon." To which I said, "Uh. . . take the fencing to Oregon?" "Yes, that's what you should do, load up all the fencing and head for Oregon. Yes, that's the thing to do." "Okay Dad, we'll do that." We'd already said our big goodbyes and he was responding to me saying goodbye as I left for the airport. I gave him a hug, went out and got in the rental car. Another amusing memory were the looks on Mother, Shannon and Chris's faces while Dad and I talked. Shannon followed me to the car and asked what he was talking about. I just gave her THE look as I said, "The fencing," like she should know, closed the door and started the engine. Her expression was priceless. I'm sure everybody was wondering, the last couple days I'd been interpreting some of Dad's motions and gestures for them. He was reliving days past and spent a lot of time at a machine lathe. I could tell by the motions which feed wheel he was turning, when he engaged the auto feed, and what kind and size instrument he was using. It was old times for me but nobody else recognized it. Mother did after I pointed out what he was doing. Mother got metal spinning instantly. A few times he saddled a horse and went for a ride with friends or did some roping. He did a lot of rock hounding, what tipped that off to me was when he licked a rock. BINGO! If it was good he put it in something if bad he tossed it. Is it strange his last words are so dear to me, weird and senseless, funny as they were? Frosty The Lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CtG Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 Frosty, not strange at all. CGL, prayers sent. My folks are late 50's, but dad isn't doing so hot- CO poisoning ~10 years ago really jacked him up, last 2 years have been.... not fun. Being 1000 miles away doesn't help. Hang in there. You never know, I had several MRI'S that stemmed from my Meningitis because they saw "suspicious growths on the kidney" that turned out to be cystic. Regardless, as goes without saying, treasure what time you do have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 15, 2020 Author Share Posted February 15, 2020 Thank you CtG. The doctors words brought me a lot of comfort yesterday. At first I thought, this is it. But im just going to chill and wait for the biopsy to come back. My Dad spent the last two weeks of his life in ICU and he didn't speak or really respond too much. He had still worked through all of this and when they had told him he couldn't work anymore, he cried and that was his biggest concern was my mother being taken care of if he were to die. Looking back, I think that's when I really took the reins of seeing after my mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 19, 2020 Author Share Posted February 19, 2020 Well my mom is back in the nursing home. Nobody called to let us know she was discharged or what the results of the biopsy were. But we found out she does have cancer. She will go to an oncologist in the next week. The doctor told her she has cancer, but I don't think she understands. Her comprehension isn't very good. I don't know what to do on that front. I will go with her to the oncologist and keep y'all updated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris C Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 Prayers for you and your family Chellie. God Bless all of you. These can be really tough times. I'll keep all of you in my prayers and thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 19, 2020 Author Share Posted February 19, 2020 Thank you my friend. I really appreciate it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnut Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 I'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis. It's not an easy decision to ok treatment that can be as hard on a person as radiation/chemotherapy. I don't know what I would do in that situation. The right answer will become apparent. Palliative care or treatment? Make sure to have a face to face with the oncologist who diagnosed her and the treatment team who will be caring for her if you decide to go that way. A good doctor will be able to make the decision easier by telling you what the options and probable outcomes might be. Take care of yourself and I wish there was more I could do. Pnut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThomasPowers Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 My grandmother had severe Dementia and was later diagnosed with cancer. The family all agreed that to put someone who couldn't understand WHY they were being tortured by the treatment through it; would not be a good thing to do and we opted for the palliative route. In our case, hard as it was, it was the correct decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 19, 2020 Author Share Posted February 19, 2020 Thank you pnut and Thomas for your kind words and advice. That's exactly what I'm thinking about chemo and all that stuff. I do not think she'd survive it anyway. I'll have to look up palliative care because I don't know what that is. I will mosey definitely talk with the oncologist and any other professional involved. Im trying not to freak out too much until we see someone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnut Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 it just means keeping her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible. I tried not to say it so bluntly but, plain speaking is usually best. pnut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 19, 2020 Author Share Posted February 19, 2020 That's what I thought it may mean. That's exactly what I wanted to do. My sister is in agreement and I'm sure my brothers will feel the same way. Thank you for straight shooting pnut. I'd rather it be that way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 Still praying for you, whatever your choice. If you want to talk, give me a shout. I'll PM my cell # If you say okay. Frosty The Lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyGoatLady Posted February 19, 2020 Author Share Posted February 19, 2020 Thank you Frosty. I'd appreciate it to have just in case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daswulf Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 Praying for your mom and you and family CGL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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