Jump to content
I Forge Iron

Rosa sapiens


Recommended Posts

**Note: the seed for this thread was transplanted from another, much larger, garden**

Not much is known at this point about Rosa sapiens. Observation of their behavior seems to suggest that they spend most of their time seated. However, they have been known to suddenly lay on their sides when threatened by strong winds or other lateral forces. It is possible that 1) this is some sort of defense mechanism the species has developed over the thousands of seconds since it's birth or 2) this particular specimen has a defect that arose around the time of its conception.

DSC00072.JPG.01c1915ae8dacf0d675a44c99515ca07.thumb.JPG.0798bfbe015705bdafd78cc1430ad782.JPG DSC00098.thumb.JPG.e2e451d0dc3237925b85976e3ed2db06.JPG.97fcddd7318456f10fe93d5955ca28c6.JPG

The part this whimsical creature has to play in its delicate and peaceful ecosystem has been hotly contested. Some members of the LARPing community suppose it is some sort of Tolkien-esque ring bearer.

DSC00092.thumb.JPG.aec6de82ac2b403d93d37fa6be3e80f4.JPG.62c02b9a2f4f0327ca601e96ea16bf4a.JPG

Our marketing team has claimed that their sedentary nature could be used for promotional purposes.

DSC00101.thumb.JPG.bcb9e0c369e4dae4133ddf7c9c106def.JPG.a136e53ae660ad5942d52ab580e2884c.JPG

A random passerby in San Francisco posited, "It's a commentary on humanity's intrinsic connection with nature, man.".

In truth, who knows what good -- or perhaps evil -- might be expected by the sudden appearance of Rosa sapiens on Earth.

In this thread we will attempt to document the progression of the species and any offshoots that may arise as they evolve.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  I hope they are good and don't evolve and grow teeth and spread by roots like despised bindweed.  Maybe their sedentary qualities are just a clever ruse...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We here at BlackSmith Biological Anthropological and Medical Foundation appreciate your interest in our research into the evolutionary progression of Rosa sapiens. We consider it our privilege to deal with a species who's qualities are not only a clever ruse, but are in fact are outside the box/Punnett square.

Our primary interest here at (see name above) is to increase shareholder value. One of the ways that we pursue this goal is to employ unpaid interns who have agreed to work late into the night. One of our interns was tasked with feeding our budding creatures at regularly scheduled intervals. At 12:01 a standard dose of mountain dew was administered.

Much like the creatures popularized by Roald Dahl, it appears that feeding Rosa sapiens after midnight results in a rapid mutation from calm, tippy creatures into a cannibalistic subspecies.

DSC00123.thumb.JPG.d34baa1a4ff9a85ba6c3f2517fd0e281.JPGDSC00114.thumb.JPG.1390667151d2a963486e09f81ce8c387.JPGDSC00119.thumb.JPG.58e2c5a049fb6fbfdc953eda906182bb.JPGDSC00113.thumb.JPG.8168b98efbbb728eaf7ea2fffad0e172.JPGDSC00120.thumb.JPG.4c94580a786d18f0e4b2126e3048ead2.JPG

While we do appreciate the work done by our former intern our well paid legal team would like us to add that all employees are aware of the electronic locks on the doors to the lab and have provided (see name above) with their consent to lock them inside in case of emergency.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A sub species eh, what kind of sub doesn't have a periscope?

Is the SPCA aware you're beating sprouts with hammers? 

Is BSBAMF licensed and insured? Keeping the interns interred is a good idea .

Frosty The Lucky.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Or mayonnaise.. Sometimes I'm not sure what kind of buisness I'm running over here...

What they don't know can't hurt them. Now we know that they are welcome to conduct an inspection of our facilities anytime after midnight.

Our legal team advises me that I'm not obligated to answer that question.

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  I need work.  Is the (see name above) doing any hiring?  I have experience in unpaid, late night, perilous stuff.  :ph34r:  I promise to lock myself inside if anything goes wrong....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The turnover rate of our new employees often outpaces our ability to hire. We are always accepting new fertiliz- *ahem* - candidates, excuse me. No previous qualifications are necessary. Your enthusiasm is well received.

One of the many perks of the job is the free mountain dew, which our research has shown to be beneficial to non-mountainous organism as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I expect the colder temperatures soon to be common around their Lab will help to slow down this obviously invasive species; perhaps the National Guard can help contain the infestation until a method of control can be determined.  Frazer, any truth to the rumor that they are resistant to Round-Up AND Agent Orange?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

On 10/26/2021 at 4:26 PM, Frosty said:

Hmmm, a horse shoe tumble weed. Make it large enough to mount an engine and seat inside and you could cruise the strip. 

  How would you steer or stop such a contraption?  Drag your boot heels?   Of course if you put rail spikes all over it people would get out of your way and it could just climb over what ever it ran into, trees, buildings, cars....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mr Powers, out of consideration for our more nefarious mustache twirling contributors we take strides to avoid contact with any government entity. I'm sure you understand.

This is true, they appear to be immune to herbicides and our weed burner showed little short term effect. The most effective means of containment is a liberal application of blunt force using sawed off sledgehammers or, should more range be required, airborne cinder blocks. We keep all of these implements at the ready behind break in case of emergency glass.

Nodebt, steering? Where we're going we don't need steering.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/27/2021 at 11:56 AM, Nodebt said:

How would you steer or stop such a contraption? 

Lean in the direction you wish to go, stop by applying the brake and go by applying the throttle. The fun starts when you accelerate or brake too hard. 

These are similar to the single wheel drive from inside vehicles. People have actually made working motorized sphere vehicle thingies. I don't know what they're called but I've seen videos online.

The gravitic application of Acme anvils should do it if you're a good shot. I was thinking on the lines of a casting net similar to one used by Gladiators but made from linked chain with thermite welding charges.

Frosty The Lucky.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/26/2021 at 8:49 AM, Frazer said:

sudden appearance of Rosa sapiens on Earth.

  I wonder if they came from outerspace on a meteorite....  Round'em all up and air-drop them in the Arctic.  It worked for the Blob.  Or Alaska where they could be punned to death. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Send em up, the herd grommets will corral them and we'll teach them to let the air out of tourist tires. Then we'll sell them as souvenirs to the same folk while they wait. It's a win win.

Frosty The Lucky. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Know what it costs to feed grommets? You'd probably be in a better negotiating position if you distributed pre trained rosa sapiens. It'd leave you room to branch out into the tourist markets.

Frosty The Lucky.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  This reminded me of one of my favorites, "Wallace and Gromit".  I haven't thought about them in a long time.  Thanks.  :)  Sorry for the interruption....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Frosty said:

I should report you to the SPCH.

Agreed.

Wait... Are we taking about the Society for Production of Cool Humanoids or the Satirical People's Committee for Humor? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...