REAL uses for tools

[Sam Salvati]

Tools and their REAL uses

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DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that
freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to
say, "Yow !"

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes
until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads.
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction
of
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the
wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or

[hdwarner]

you forgot the infinatly variable adjustable wrench that once adjusted to the right width
of nut or bolt automaticly adjusts to the next size when applied

[GVR-4579]

Lol........

[Golden_eagle]

And chisel: device for removing anything you don't want removed... (such as fingers)

[ThomasPowers]

How about definfing some *smithing* ones like:

Power Hammer: a tool used to prevent RSI injuries to the smith by yanking their arms out of their shoulder sockets because they forgot to align the work on the die or let it get too cold.

Anvil: a handy method of increasing ones shoe size through the simple mechanics of dropping it on ones foot. See "Anvil Goose" as well.

Tongs: a tool used to transmit heat from the forge to the blacksmith's hands. Also no tong will ever fit the piece that is ready to remove from the forge *now*

Coal Forge: a tool used to blacken everything near it including the inside of the smith's nose. Also a tool used to heat expensive toolsteel until it burns away to a slagged mess. Also used to destroy a smith's night vision making the trek from the shop to the house an amusing adventure after dark.

etc.

[hammerkid]

Coal Forge: a tool used to blacken everything near it including the inside of the smith's nose. Also a tool used to heat expensive toolsteel until it burns away to a slagged mess. Also used to destroy a smith's night vision making the trek from the shop to the house an amusing adventure after dark.

Thats SO TRUE!!!!!!

Hotcut: A tool used used to damage the Face of your good hammer. Can also cut you when you put it in the hardie hole.:rolleyes: