Michael Cochran

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About Michael Cochran

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    Mike, The invisible smith

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    Hayden, AL, USA

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  1. Problems

    I’m not usually a salad eater but recently I’ve been craving it (my body must need the minerals). Usually I like a salad with the little cherry tomatoes, shredded cheese, and some shredded carrots are sometimes on the list. Truth is I’ll load my salad to the point it’s really not a salad anymore. It’s an experience lol. Charles, you have a few good points there. I took Chantix before and it worked great. I was no longer having cravings after the third day and was smoke free until I started working in close proximity to a chain smoker and thought to myself ‘one won’t hurt anything.’ The list idea can be a good thing and have recently thought about doing that with some of the more important people in my life. Josh, I appreciate it, I might be calling on you this weekend.
  2. Problems

    I’m looking at some lifestyle changes that will probably help me feel better. I plan to start a new diet (not the weight lose kind) and an exercise routine to help get some juices flowing again. I remember when I was exercising several years ago I felt better overall and figured it was about time to start that again. We all know how important our diet is. If we eat poorly it affects our energy levels and our mood negatively and I’m guilty of not eating right most of the time. I’ve already made a few other changes, some small some bigger, and plan on still more changes as time goes on. Two of the biggest are not gonna be easy without support from the people around me. I need to quit smoking and I need to learn to like myself. I think someone might’ve mentioned it hear already but I know my therapist also told me that I need to love myself. I’ll settle for liking myself if I can manage that.
  3. Belt grinder build driving me crazy

    No I haven’t. I’ve had too many other things come up that needed my attention. I haven’t been able to make it out to the shop in a couple months now and it’s killing me. As soon as things settle down I’ll see if I can’t get back on this project and others
  4. Problems

    No real good news to share. The meds are helping some but I’m still having bad depression that comes in waves. I was also recently informed by the therapist I might be manic as well and that I need to start keeping a record of my mood and the changes in it. I feel good most days and that’s a vast improvement. So I guess it’s not all bad news.
  5. Problems

    I’m thankful for all the support from all the wonderful people here. Some of the things going on are not things I a willing to discuss in the open like this. Know that all of the advice I’m being given is invaluable with all that’s goin on.
  6. Problems

    More bad than good the last couple days. The control I was gaining is slipping.
  7. Problems

    The last two days have left me whirling with thoughts and emotions. Everything has hit me all at one time like I never thought it could. I have my feet back under me now and I’ve figured out my next few steps towards making peace. All will be better in the coming days and weeks as long as I can keep holding on. I have a couple friends in the real world who know about what’s going on and are constantly keeping a check on me if they think I’m slipping. Reading back over this it sounds bad but I’m actually not in as bad a place as it makes it sound. I’m still breathing and on top of the ground.
  8. Problems

    More good advice to remember. Thank you guys for all of it. I had a pretty good day yesterday. Spent most of the day in a good mood hit a stumbling block and found myself dwelling on my problems for an hour or so then managed to shake free and came back up. Today was the best day I’ve had in a while. In spite of being shorthanded at work and being on a tight deadline I still made it through the day with little down time. The only time I did get down was a brief 5-10 minutes when someone asked about a specific issue I’ve been trying to fix in my life. I talked about it with them and got down at first but before we finished talking about it I was back in control. I’m not sure how much of my mood today was meds and how much was other things but I’m not too worried about it. I think this weekend I’m going to find myself in the shop if all goes well and nothing comes up that’s more important. I can feel hope again and that’s a huge thing for me right now.
  9. Problems

    Yesterday turned out to be an ok day and today is shaping out pretty good. I have plans in a little bit with one of the people I hurt to help smooth things out there. So far on all the fronts that are of high priority I’m slowly gaining ground. I wish progress was quicker but I’m thankful for any progress and any wins I can get right now. I have to say one of the hardest things for me is remembering to take my meds the same time every day. There does seem to be some improvement of stability in my head the last couple days. I haven’t had swings as often or extreme as they were just a couple weeks ago.
  10. Problems

    Charles there’s a lot of wisdom in that last post. I have let my direct supervisor know what’s going on and he’s giving me all the slack I need to try to get myself right. He even checked to see how much time I have I can take off work if I needed it. And it’s just as you said moment by moment things can change not just day by day. JHCC, the feeling is definitely hard to control and I’m at a point now where I’m just starting to control my thoughts again. They were going places and I couldn’t control it but slowly I’m regaling that control. One thing I’m having to pay close attention to is that barrier that’s gone up around me. I put up a wall and shut some people out but I’m fighting to keep from shutting out others. I have times where I just want to run away and start over. Leave my job and family and friends, pack a few things and just go away. After a little bit I can remind myself those are the things that keep me going and stable. Without them I could find myself in bad trouble.
  11. Problems

    Some of the relationships show signs of getting better at times while others looks as if they are completely lost. Yesterday brought more tension to one of them as a mutual friend showed their behind and said I was doing things I shouldn’t sitting up drama. I cut them free because I need no more drama in my life. I slept better last night than I have in a while and woke up feeling almost like my old self. I just hope I can hang on to that for the rest of the day. We have a new guy starting at work and I can’t afford to have mood swings while I’m dealing with him. This is going to be a long road and even though it feels like I’m walking alone I know there are people beside me and behind me to help. Thank you all for your support some of you may never know how much it means while others know all to well what one persons help can do and the difference it can make.
  12. Problems

    I can’t even try to respond to everyone’s posts, there’s just too much to reply to on a one on one basis. I will however post updates as I feel up to it and will continue to be thankful for all the support this great community has to offer. Yesterday and today were good days for me. I spent most of my day in a relatively good mood but did have a couple slumps to fight through. Today was a little tougher than yesterday because of the cooler temps today and being stuck in a warehouse stressing because I’m doing someone else’s job instead of doing my usual job. Tomorrow makes me nervous. I have no problem telling my closest friends and family some of my personal issues but I’ve never been too open with strangers. It’s one thing to type random thoughts and feelings into this box and the whole world see it. It’s conpletely different when you’re trying to craft the words with someone you’ve never met sitting there looking at you. I don’t like the idea of spilling my contents like that but I know it’s for the best and will have to fight myself to keep from biting my tongue and shutting them out. I do have one comment I have to respond directly to. I have had a couple people tell me that recently. One today that’s a friend and coworker and another just a couple days ago. The one is someone I texted by accident a couple weeks ago and we’ve had casual small talk but don’t know each other. Either someone’s feeding everyone false truths or maybe I’m just too hard on myself because I just don’t see it. Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it and I only hope I can repay the favor one day.
  13. Problems

    Thank you all for your support. I know this isn’t going to be quick or easy but it is possible. I’m relearning meditation techniques I used to do regularly to help with stress. Between the meditation, medication, and therapy I should be returning to normal soon enough. I just hope that the damage done isn’t permanent. I can’t lose all that’s on the line or I’ll be worse than I am now.
  14. Problems

    I haven’t been on in a while and I have been to the shop just as long or longer. I have been battling some demons (depression and anxiety are just a couple) I carry inside of me and they have started lashing out affecting others. I have caused a bunch of trouble in the last few weeks as a result of my untreated issues. I spent almost all day at the VA Friday so I could get help. I have to go back regularly for a while for therapy and keep track of my new meds. That is the easy stuff to deal with. The most important thing I need so much help with is helping to mend the hearts and relationships I’ve damaged. I can’t even begin to describe the pain I’ve caused or that I feel right now. I know some here have probably been where I am and made it through stronger on the other side, that’s my goal.
  15. Quenching a lawnmower blade

    You could make friends with someone at the local deli etc that uses a deep fryer and they’d probably let you have their old oil. It may be a little fishy smelling but it’s free and much better (for your health) than using old motor oil.