Ted T Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Brasilikilt You make me smile! I learned that negotiating with a wife is a skill that may require you to make some close observation of her wants and needs, and eventually it will most likely cost you some money in the long run. Early on (1960 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Brasilikilt - i just saw this thread and thought i would give u girls view - altho i have to say i am a slightly unusual female cozt i love nothing more than piles of scrap, dirty workshops and long drawn out searches at auto jumbles... having said that i have a lot of friends who would feel the same as your wife and it is only the same as any other issue of disagreement really - if she is with you for the long haul which i guess she is, then she might not be actually interested in your shop but being involved in its design and particularly the outside look of it might be good? Its nice to feel like your pulling the same way and if this is entirely your domain it kind of creates a rift that will grow..? you could make up some great flower troughs and baskets to decorate the outside paint it all nice etc, and you must show willing to compromise like HIDE your scrap completely. this i reckon is most womens sticking point - they can handle (to a point) the mucky hands the mucky clothes the noise the time out of the house (thats sometimes a positive!) the swarfy bits of metal all round the washing machine drum etc etc . But when they invite their girly chums to have drinks in the garden most women dont like to sit all pretty in a pile of greasy random metal.. . She doesnt know its value remember! To her its just not in her plan for the decor of her garden.! I duno - the fact that you care about her oppinion is a good point to get across - and like someone said - show her the thread - she might not have even given it proper thought. most of this stuff is communication i think. Its never the grand gestures with us girls - presents and all that are fine but its the times when youve thought hard and taken some action towards meeting us half way- thats what we're after! good luck - it sounds wicked hope you can both be happy bout it. also - does she know lots of women do this - maybe she really wants to get her hands on yr tools;) You just never know!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brasilikilt Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 WOW! Thanks to everyone for all the great advice! Seriously.... One thing I forgot to mention, which I feel does have some relevance is the fact that my wife is from Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. I've been there twice, and noticed that the American man's practice of "do it yourself", or having a hobby of building/working on things (be it cars, blacksmithing, birdhouses etc) is not seen among Brasilian men very often. If you make/build something over there, more often than not, it's your profession....If you need to repair or build something, it tends to be cheaper and easier to hire someone. It became very obvious when she was telling her mom about my whole blacksmith venture......Nobody in her family had even heard of anyone who *wants* to be a Ferreiro.....let alone do it for fun.... I must admit that my wife is accurate in her idea that expanding my operations further into the yard will encourage my scrounging and junk collecting......To her that is a thing only done by people who live in the hill-side slums (Favelas) To all of us, it is saving money and recycling. I know that following the advice of keeping everything a lot neater and all the junk and scrap wood/metal be organized/kept out of sight will definitely do A LOT to decrease opposition for setting up the backyard smithy. Thanks again for all the replies.......I will certainly add more to this later Iain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGGUNDOCTOR Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Yes, there can be some cultural differences there. I dated a Mexican gal for awhile, so I know how stubborn a Latina can be You certainly have your hands full. I have noticed that in a lot of other countries there are distinctly different "class" systems. Upper class, working class, etc. In India this is very prevalent. I noticed some of this with my girlfriend. She would talk about here relatives in a way that brought up their "status" IE; multiple homes. cars owned...... Also in a lot of countries tools can be an expensive pursuit, so the ones who have them are the ones doing that for a living. They do not have the disposable income like some of us enjoy here in the States. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thecelticforge Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 WOW! It became very obvious when she was telling her mom about my whole blacksmith venture......Nobody in her family had even heard of anyone who *wants* to be a Ferreiro.....let alone do it for fun.... Iain I rather thought that may be the problem. I was married in 94 for a couple of years. She was from NW Kansas and we moved to the Navajo rez for jobs. Anything that was not done in NW Kansas that I I did there (ceremonies, language, foods, etc...) was shrewishly frowned upon. She became waspish if I even uttered a word of Navajo while talking to neighbors. I got lucky, she went to Las Vegas to see her sister and came back pregnant! I was free! Oh What happens in Vegas does not usually stay in Vegas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wedwards Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 WOW! Thanks to everyone for all the great advice! Seriously.... One thing I forgot to mention, which I feel does have some relevance is the fact that my wife is from Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. . . Iain Oh Boy! Not only do you have a gender gap but a cultural one as well. I was going to suggest looking into a smithy/shop at a completely different location, but your wife's problem may not be so much that she and others can see what your are doing but that you are doing it at all. If that's the case all the communication and compromise in the world is not going to do much for either of you until the two of you can get over that hurdle. I guess it all boils down to deciding if her objections are the problem or only the symptom of a problem. There is a BIG difference. Good luck. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brasilikilt Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Hey all I must say that I am very thankful for the responses to this thread. Yesterday I moved all the wood from beside the shed into the yard trailer, and started cleaning up that little area...... I mentioned that I will move the forge and anvil off the patio to set up in that area, and her response was that of concern over the anvil and tools possibly being stolen. She knows that like it or not, her husband is going to always make stuff. As long as I keep the backyard smithy presentable and more of an organized and interesting feature of our house, I think that will do a lot to make her happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkrankow Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I'm glad that she appreciates your efforts at presentable. Her concern for your equipment may mean there is a compromise in there. Good luck Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wedwards Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I'm glad the situation seems to be resolving. Hopefully it will continue in a positive direction. Good luck. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRobb Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Glad to hear a possitive note to your situation. Sounds like you are off to a good start. Stick to your guns, but give her a chance for input. Goes a long way. Kepp us posted! Mitch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tatertatum Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 hhmmm lets see been divorced 2 times and am engaged now, lost every penny i had in both divorces, lost my business, homes, cars, everything. And i still smile and say it was worth every penny. I happen to make a lot of money for a living and recovery was quick both times. Oh and my fianc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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